Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Where Do I Fit In?

SO I recently started thinking about my childhood... Growing up in a not-so diverse part of the country, and always feeling like I never fit in.

See with the African American kids I was too "upity", I spoke like a "white girl"; because I didn't use slang, and I dind't repeat that horrible N-word, I wanted to the white, or act white. With the white kids I always felt the most comfortable, yet I knew I didn't look like them. My culture was completely different then theres, and the way they spoke to and about their parents made me scared for them (my parent's were zero tolerence to disrepect as they should have been).... Oh and the Mexicans, I coudln't understand a word they were saying!

Fast forward about 2 decades, now I'm feeling that way again! Where do I fit in? Where do my children belong? At our play-dates and amongst our friends we're always the minority, will my boys ever pick up that they're different? I don't want them growing up feeling insecure with who they are, because they don't know who they are. Am I worrying too soon? Or am I concerned for a good reason? 

I want so desperately to have friends of my race, and culture, who have the same moral standards and upbringing as I did (WITH CHILDREN OF THEIR OWN); do they exist? The wonderful thing about New England is the all the culture, the horrible thing is all the culture..... Where are the African Americans????


  1. I understand what you mean. I know that may sound weird. I grew up in Lynn, which is predominately African-American, Asian, and Hispanic. In Lynn, I was the minority. Myself and a Russian girl were the only white girls in my elementary school. I grew up feeling different because I was white. I worry now that we live in the Merrimack Valley, which is predominately white, that CJ (and any future children) aren't going to experience and appreciate diversity like we did. I guess it is just up to us to help them figure stuff out. :)

  2. I totally understand Jaz. Me being Mexican and Irish I may not have appeaed to be the monority or even seem like that but I did feel this way at times in my past. In my predominantly white neighborhood...I was the girl who made best friends with the only two african american girls. I was the white girl at the spanish girls lunch table. I was cliquey in grade school or highschool or even college I got along with everyone. Regardless of who I was with a white crowd, mixed crowd, spanish crowd, african amaerican crowd I always seemed to feel a little out of place. Where did I belong. Like Jazmine I think I have felt this many times in my life. Being in a interracial relationship for so long we had to overcome not only the looks and glares but also the stereo type......and we did. I have found my place now, I know who I am and I know who I want my children to be. And I am happy that I can provide a well divirsified upbringing for them.

  3. Thank you for the posts ladies! You don't know how much to it touches to know I'm not alone, and that others do understand, and want the same for their children!!! I love you both! XOXO

  4. I know what you mean. My family made fun of me growing up, they would call me "Tiffany" (as if Britney isn't "white" enough) because I've always been proper. My friends have always been diverse though. Currently, I have one other friend who is African American and nursed all three of her children long-term. Many black people nowadays think it's disgusting or turn their nose up at it like, "ew, no, I'm not doing that." Or they do it for like, a month and then stop, not really committed. Not only that but I'm into home management, scheduling & planning, reading blogs, baby wearing, diy home stuff (to name a few lol) and the only place I can find support for all that is online. When I talk about that stuff to other (African American) mother's I'm close with, they seem a little uninterested...

  5. Oh Britney! How I wish you lived closer!!!! I would support you, console you, and encourage you! As I know you would do for me!!